5 Hints to Enhance Your Marriage – Part 1

Is your marriage working for you?  Many people are struggling but cannot put their finger on the problem.  They are sure that they have love for their partner; however, figuring out what to do next leaves them bewildered.  Others are feeling the hurt and pain of a strained marriage.  You know that you love your mate but you cannot get along with them.  I wrote some helpful hints below that are sure to spruce up your home life.

1. Pursue an understanding of what real love is and does.  Much is written about love, unfortunately, the love that most people know or use is performance based.  As long as you perform, I will love you.  On the other hand, one could be thinking, as long as my emotions stay peeked and stirred I will love you.  Another favored is “I love you because…”  God’s love is unconditional and always a choice.  Commonly stated is that one “falls in love.”  We walk in or walk out of love.  Love is not a precipice that one stumbles off its ledge.  Love is a choice.  Every day we chose to love or not.  Love is what it does.  It is not what it feels or says.
2. Make a commitment to love your spouse all the time and under all circumstances.  No one functions well under the pressure of having to be perfect in order to be loved by their mate.  Love is an action work.  We choose to act in kind ways and employ loving behaviors.  Never pressure your mate for what you need or desire.  Allow them space to grow into maturity.
3. Never take the other for granted.  We agree that we are in relationships for the long haul.  However, human emotions still need validation and encouragement.  People are more likely to give more when they are given the message that they are greatly appreciated for what they do.  Doing that regularly around the home should be celebrated and not considered to be inconsequential.
4. Praise the other person often.   This is one of the most important elements of successful relationships.  Celebrating the others life and their achievements are critical to the intimacy.  We should be very careful not to ignore the little things and celebrate them as well.  Criticism that is constructive should be reduced to a minimum and general criticism should be done away with as a rule.  A happy home is where there is freedom to celebrate where children grow up learning the value of praising rather than tearing down.  They too become better at parenting and learn to be godly mates.
5. Be considerate.  This is the most challenging for most people in this current age.   By nature we practice selfishness.  Many of the things we do for others are tainted by motives that are less pure.  Our own defense mechanisms won’t allow us to see ourselves as we are.  We defend our willful and insensitive behavior often to the death of the relationship.

If you are interested in having and keeping harmony in the home always consider the other person.  You are not the loser placing someone else above yourself.  It takes a great deal of practice to learn how to be considerate and even longer if your natural state is one of selfishness.

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3 Ways to Build Better Relationships

To be a leader in a home or over a business suggests that one must or should have basic relational skills.  Relationships can simply be defined the business of getting along with another person.  The business of getting along should be of great importance to all of us.  You do not have to be an executive or head of a house to be good at relationships.  God’s word requires us, to do so.  We should speak comforting words to people; these kinds of words exemplify this principle.  Much of what we do requires teamwork.  Great teams cannot achieve its goals without relationships.  Relationships filled with health have trust, respect, and transparency just to name a few.  Mostly they have relationships.

Here are some suggestions that will help you in your journey to better relationships:

1. Know the people around you.   This is an admonishing from the bible.  Do yourself a favor and seek to understand the individuals in your life.  Learn from them, about them.  Listen to their hearts and become aware of their sensitivities.  Awareness of the words and actions that turn them on and turn off is of super importance.  Do not lump people into categories that makes life easy for you.  Labeling others is insulting.  No one wants inappropriate categorizing.  To do so is an overt act of rudeness.  Finally, I once heard it said that rudeness is a weak-man’s imitation of strength.
2. Respect boundaries.  Boundaries are limits.  Each person has a limit to what he/she will or will not take.  There are body boundaries and emotional boundaries.  There are also conversational boundaries.  Learn what boundaries are and avoid violating them in order to ensure a productive relationship.
3. Ask God for an understanding heart.  Ask our heavenly father to give you an appreciation for the differences in others around you.  Celebrate the differences rather than being afraid of them.  Why would you be uncomfortable with the expressed values of those unlike us?  The bible says, “commending ourselves to every man’s conscience.”  Respecting others and their views is vital to building bridges that create relational connection.

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